A tragedy in Wisconsin


Posted by Bob Glowacki on November 21st, 2008

Empty … that’s how I feel after reading this tragic story in the Wisconsin State Journal about a murder-suicide. Kyle Dutter, a boy with severe disabilities, was murdered by his father, who then took his own life.

In the Journal’s story, more is shared about what challenges Kyle faced living with severe disabilities than the child he was. His obituary and a Web site created by his father reveal a whole lot more than a diagnosis.

What a tragic story — the stress that parents and families feel is hard to imagine. What a shame that it may have led to such a horrible thing in this instance. It just makes our work at Easter Seals, and the urgency around it, all that much more important.

I don’t have words to put anything in perspective, but I thought I should open up the discussion for you to share your thoughts, your fears and your dreams as your family lives with autism and other disabilities. Maybe in your reflections, we can find some ways to avoid this tragedy from repeating itself.


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7 Responses to “A tragedy in Wisconsin”

  1. Patricia Wright Says:
    November 22nd, 2008 at 12:37 am

    Bob – thanks for opening up an opportunity for discussion on this incredibly difficult topic. I certainly do not have words to describe the emotions I perceive this father must have been experiencing; certainly desperation is one that comes to mind. The lack of hope that this man felt for himself and for his son is unacceptable. Our society MUST convey the message and deliver the support that allows families the confidence that their child’s needs will be met.

  2. Nicole Caldwell, M.Ed. Says:
    November 22nd, 2008 at 8:45 am

    I’ve been reading this blog for a long time, but have never left a comment. I was just so saddened by this news, and wanted to leave my condolances. I think we must be careful not to blame the tragedy on the child’s disability. It sounded like the family was experiencing other challenges as well, particularly financial, although we will probably never know the exact reasons why this happended. Perhaps there really aren’t any.

    I hope cases like this will help as as a society to reach out to others more, particularly our neighbors. We also need to be less judgemental of families who have a child with a disability. I think this is particularly true of a child who has Autism, who may not look like he or she has a disability, but may have have some behavioral challenges.

    I hope the next time we see a child having a meltdown in a store (even one who is “too old to act that way” or “should know better”), we will not give a dirty look or a parenting lecture, but instead reach out in compassion. Our children and students with Autism have a right to be in the community, and important life and social skills are taught there. We need to make our communities supportive and welcoming places for individuals of all abilities.

    My heart goes out to Kyle and his family. I hope that any family who feels a similar desparation will reach out to organizations in your community…Easter Seals, local parent support groups, your church, your neighbors, and your family. There are also online support groups for almost every disability category. We are here for you!

    Nicole Caldwell, M.Ed.

  3. Ree Says:
    November 23rd, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    This news is so hard to hear, especially when this is so close to home. More thankful than ever that my son has a loving father that cares for him. And for me.

  4. Paul Adams Says:
    November 23rd, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    To some of us, a sad story like this one might be confounding because we can’t begin to understand where a father was in his thoughts and feelings, or how he got there. To others, it’s sad and frightening–because we can understand better than we might want to.

    My adult son has severe developmental and physical disabilities. I was not alone raising him by any stretch of the imagination–my wife, both of our families, our friends, terrific therapists and school professionals–they all provided tremendous support. And still, at times, I felt completely alone, inadequate to the responsibility, and hopeless.

    At times I also felt faithless about the future–I just couldn’t imagine trusting my son to the world after I was gone. I’m sure all parents can feel that way, but I think it’s different when you know your child literally can’t make his or her own way. But again and again, wonderful people have showed me I can trust others to care for my son. For that I’m deeply grateful, but I also know that not everyone is as fortunate as I have been. I’m heartbroken for Kyle, his father, and his entire family.

    For parents who find themselves feeling desperate, please, hang in there and have faith–however you come by it–people can and will surprise you in the very best ways.

  5. Very close relative to Kyle Says:
    November 28th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    Kyle did not have severe disabilities. Just to set the board straight. Please don’t print things you don’t know. He did everything we do from playing ball to trick or treating to having conversations.

  6. Beth Finke Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    We got that information from the story in the Wisconsin State Journal and I apologize if the information is incorrect. If you let me know what sort of disability Kyle had, I will correct it in the post. Thank you for responding to the Easter Seals autism blog and alerting us to this error.

  7. Kimberly Dutter Says:
    August 20th, 2009 at 8:34 am

    i just want people to know he had autism, yes he had the occasional seizure, and he couldn’t walk “right” and he couldn’t make full sentences, and he didn’t like to be in big crowds. but it was little things not alot of major things, compared to how he was 5 years ago, he learned so much. he was my little brother and he was the sweetest,and best brother a sister could ask for no matter how different he was. thank you everyone for caring so much.

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